The other night I casually mentioned to my husband, “I wish I were born in a different era.” He completely agreed and we laughed about how awesome it would be to experience the 50’s, or even the 80’s as opposed to now. We even spoke of earlier times like the spartan era or even biblical times. I have recently battled mild anxiety over the state of the world. The rumors of wars, the amount of sex trafficking, the blatant sin indoctrinated into our young children’s lives.
Being a young mother to more children then I have hands; has become extremely nerve wrecking. I am not a complete mother hen, but I want to see my children and I feel like its too dangerous to let them explore like they could have easily done 50 years ago. It saddens me that my children cannot just go down the street and play with the neighborhood kids without worrying about someone’s father being a pedophile or someone whooshing them into an unsuspecting vehicle.
Times are scary, and mothering many children comes with so many uncertainties. I realize the lord brought this to the forefront of my mind to show me to be aware, but not to be overcome with fear, again. He’s brought me through this one obstacle so many times and just as I think I’ve conquered, it seems like there’s another level i have to go through.
As I’m singing praise and worship songs with my kids a link pops up on the sidebar for a musician my father in law has been suggesting and carrying on for months. He says the ministering of the Holy Spirit in this man’s music is heavenly. Ive listened to a few songs but nothing captivated me or ministered to me, it was just another song. Well today was the day it did. A song played and then a few more. I allowed it to play as I was teaching the kids during school, then BAM! This one smacked me and almost knocked me off my feet. It was called “ born for such a time.”
The lord began to minister to me and bring to the forefront all the promises he has given us. It was like a movie being fast forwarded in my minds eye. These things are nothing I personally wanted for my family or ministry but the more the lord showed them, the more something within me felt so overjoyed. Such a fire lit within that cannot be explained unless you’ve experienced it.
I have always had a desire my entire life to see the world. There were certain places I always spoke about more than others, even in loose conversation there’s one place that has always stood out, but there’s one place I never desired to go. I mean ever! I would say things like “those people are crazy” and “I wouldn’t want to go there”. The joke is on me. Those are the places God destined for me to go. He knew this plan for my life when I was a small infant.
The enemy wanted me to be fearful. He didn’t want me to come into this revelation. He didn’t want me to walk in confidence, let alone in the power of God. When God places something on your heart you absolutely cannot shake it. Nothing can take the place of it. You can choose to not go, but it will always be within you. The desire and the flame will burn, and nothing can put it out. You can try to quench it, but inevitably you will think of it. It may lessen at times of disconnect with God, but its always there. It’s constantly burning.
I was recently watching a show with my husband and there was a man who left a chemical called Greek fire in a box. It was meant for one specific person. In its natural state it was dormant, but once ignited you could not put it out. Greek fire was designed to burn every single thing in its path. If you were in it, you will burn until there’s absolutely nothing left and it will continue to burn. Water cannot extinguish it. Absolutely nothing can, it just burns. As I was watching it I compared it to a calling on your life. Once ignited you cant escape it. You can look past it, but if you open yourself up to Gods will and it ignites you cant just shut it off. You cant put it out.
A few years ago I was your typical believer. I loved the lord. I prayed. I didn’t really understand my bible, but knew the main stories. I always had a devotional and a cup of coffee. I would take pictures of the passage and post it online for likes. Then one day the lord spoke so clearly to me. He had only spoken audibly like 4 times to me in my walk. I was asking for his will to be done in my life, and he responded with what sounded like a microphone in my ear. He said, “ without being filled with the Holy Spirit, this is as far as I can take you. I have so much more planned for you.” That was NOT what I wanted to hear. My husbands family were all spirit filled believers and I was indifferent on the subject. My whole life I was taught it was demonic, and not of God. But I recently had read the book of Acts and I wanted to know the realness of it, and whether it was for today or just then. I found myself reading the gifts of it, and it all just seemed so foreign. I had a decision to make and wrestled for two weeks with what the lord spoke to me. “What does he have for me?” Was the question magnified my mind continuously. What am I missing? The next church service was arguably one of the worst services I had been at in a while. The message was good, but I had a cranky 3 month old baby who didn’t sleep the night before, and Just started teething. I spent most of the message walking around the home mission church trying to shh my baby. I felt vulnerable and frustrated. I scoffed and went outside where my pastor’s wife had my older daughter. Around that time the pastor called for laying on of hands for any prayer, and my husband jumped up and said, “ I have to get my wife.” He runs outside and grabs me. My pastors wife, and my lovely friend now, grabs my youngest daughter and holds her for me. As I look up this man starts to pray and stops, he stares me in the eyes and says, “ the lord wants to know if you’re ready.” I knew exactly what he was referring to. At this point I was exhausted and wanted to know if this was real.
My fear no longer gripped me, but my exhaustion to keep going was overwhelming on my own. I knew I couldn’t live like this anymore. I was walking in the lord, but not in the fullness. “Yes.” I hesitantly said. He prayed in the spirit and when I knew strange words were coming to me he exclaimed, “Open your mouth.” As I submitted the power of God fell on me in a way that I had never felt in my life. It was almost like electricity, and I began weeping.
Suddenly I realized I was never enjoying the fullness God had for me. It’s the difference between smelling a cup of coffee, then actually drinking it. My eyes were opened to everything. I think of Eve in the garden. Upon eating the fruit her eyes were opened, and she understood everything. Embarrassment, shame, guilt were the new things she experienced. For me, all I knew was the sin nature, but upon getting filled with the Holy Spirit my eyes were opened to the things of God. Peace, love, compassion, joy; those were the emotions i felt. Within days, the scriptures came to life. The words suddenly ministered to me differently. The depression and anxiety went away with prayer. The unbelief was no more. My kids were screaming and I was laughing while doing dishes. I felt such a supernatural joy that nothing in this world can buy. I realized this language was not something I conjured together. It was God and everything he spoke to me felt like he was in the room with me vs doubting and questioning “was that even God?”
I say that to say, the fire was lit that day. The desires of my Heavenly Father manifested into my heart and I couldn’t shake them. That fire was God, and it changed me immediately. Sanctification really began to take place. I felt like every single day it was something else. I didn’t realize how prideful, conceited, rude, rebellious, and how full of sin I was. I was a new creation in Christ, but I needed to get rid of all these things that kept me separated from the father. A few years later and in my hometown state and county I was in church and I didn’t know what my calling was still, and I asked the lord and he definitely delivered. I cant shake what he’s called me to. I cant overlook the place. I cant unsee the visions. I can only pray.
God will bring you to a place where you have to ask yourself, “am I ready to experience the fullness of God, or am I content in the mundane?” Are you ready to have a fire set and unlock the destiny God has created for you? He knew you when you were formed in your mothers womb. He brought you to this place and maybe even to this page for such a time as this. Ester was an orphan, and she was chosen to save her people. She was placed in authority as the queen because God knew her task that was at hand. She could have lived in fear and not spoken, but she walked in the anointing of the lord. She wasn’t guaranteed success, but she had faith in the lord and opened her mouth boldly for her people. We may not understand why the world seems so bad, but he gave you the children you have, to YOU for a PURPOSE. He will equip you with knowledge and rest assured, you were born for such a time as this. You are being prepared through every single trial so that you can be the woman of God that you need to be for the task at hand. Let the fear not hold you back, nor the zeal for the things of God be defined by the world. Look at the father and only be lead by him. The world, and even most of the church (good intentions I believe) will lead you astray. Open your eyes, listen with your ears, and ask God what he has for you. Be prepared once that fire sets in your soul it cannot be contained and it will burn with a zeal for the lord until it is fulfilled.
Lord I pray in Jesus name that you would be glorified. You would be the center of it all. I pray we ask these things to be in your will, not for superficial edification, but for your kingdom work. I pray that lost souls be at the forefront of our hearts and we fulfill the great commission and that it would be of the purest of heart. Lord we love you, and we thank you Jesus. Let the Holy Spirit reside in the one reading, and show them the power in your trinity. I ask that you would set a fire that cannot be extinguished, and would not be contained, nor controlled in Jesus name. Amen.