The enemy almost stole my confidence!!.
I experienced something that ministered to me greatly, and instead of walking away defeated and insecure, I walked away feeling worthy because Jesus is worthy. God lead me to obey something he was pressing on my heart to do, and it backfired, but the lord laid laughter on my lips. I started finding joy through something that should have brought sorrow, but I felt freedom because of obedience.. I felt my joy beginning to return. He had me lay hands on someone near and dear to me, and I saw a miracle. God healed her. I felt awe and complete amazement. God does what he does, but I had a front row seat. God gave me a glimpse in what he is calling us into, and it made me weep all day. The presence of God was so heavily. The glory of the lord was like a cloud on me.
Then the next day, all four of my kids contracted the stomach bug. Every single one of them. Every single day, a different one went down, literally like flies. I thought my cat had worms. Gnats flooded my kitchen, and my check engine light came on, and now my taillight is out. Isn’t that how it happens? We have such a beautiful Mountain View, and suddenly you turn around to a giant bear trying to destroy you. The enemy is like a lion. He is seeking who he may try and devour. He is never-ending. He seeks to cut your throat and have you bleed out. Especially if you are doing God’s will for your life, you’re a threat to him. He will push every button you have, and then try to physically choke you out.
I called my mom earlier this week before any prayer, I was wounded because I put my shield of faith to the side, and my sword was the even in my hands. I was sleepless. I had caught throw up in a bucket for days, and I started to raise my hands. Not for victory, but for surrender. I had enough.” I’m tired, I’m exhausted, I cant take it anymore”, I exclaimed!!! God was trying to give me another testimony, but all I saw was one more thing added to an exhausting week. In a moment of weakness, I called my mom to handle something God was going to bless me through.
I felt so convicted. I know He has shown up before, typically the last minute, but nonetheless he is always there. Its like he is grabbing my hands and swooping me up; right as the lava begins to get close enough to feel the heat. That’s what it feels like when you have no option but to trust the lord. You can call the title pawn shops, you can sell everything, you can borrow from family; you can do it all. But there’s something about when you stand in your kitchen scream-crying and worshipping for God to meet the need. When you thank him, despite seeing absolutely nothing in your hands to show for it. I know this life too well. I know what its like to have plenty, and to have need. I have lived both.
I’m saying all this because the enemy has been trying to steal my confidence. God is saying,” Arise daughter and walk in the anointing my son has already paid the price for. Do my will! Touch people and show them my healing power and deliverance is real. Show them of my existence. Walk where I tell you to. Put your foot on the stone I say for you to, and hop when I say hop. Trust me, ill never leave or forsake you. Seek my face, and turn nations away from their wicked ways.” Then the enemy is whispering, “you’re worthless. Everyone else’s need is met, but yours is always a delay. You’re exhausted and tired. You aren’t enough. You aren’t anointed. You are just a stay at home mom. What difference could you possibly make” I was beginning to feel pity for myself. I was thinking about how I’ve wiped butts more than normal, and sanitized with non existent cleaning supplies because everyone has bought up every ounce of Lysol. I was thinking about how I was going to get my check engine light off. I was trying to figure out how long my tail light was out, and my husband is out of town as well. I felt like I was in the fire! Then add the wails of my daughter screaming because she was scared of taking the cat to the vet, I was overwhelmed. I went home so drained. I didn’t know how much more I could take.
I was messaging a friend, and I told her I needed to listen to worship. I listened to a wonderful message instead, and it was so great, but I needed to worship. Worship was the tool I needed for breakthrough. I blared a song with both headphones in. I had to counter the distractions of my toddler boys who want to throw a fit. I scream sang, ( like where you begin singing as loud as you can, then start crying, and it just comes out a hoarse scream song) I was there singing, “I was made to love you. You’ll be my forever, my forever amen.” And through the scream cry song, my breakthrough occurred. God was like, “I’ve always met the need.” “Wipe your eyes, and trust me.” “All of this is for a purpose.” Then words from days ago flooded my mind. I began speaking them over myself, the louder I spoke the more I felt the Holy Spirit, the more I felt the lord, the harder I pressed in.
I received a confirmation for something I was praying, instantaneously. That rarely happens, but yesterday, it did. I wanted God to allow a person to speak to me exactly what the lord has spoken. I wanted to see if what I was hearing was him. Man did he deliver. It was practically word for word verbatim what I have in my notes. I spoke a truth to the devils lies, in that moment. I declared,” I know who I serve! I know who I am! I know what I’m called to! I know where I’m going! I know what my God is doing, because he dwells in me.” I cancelled the lies with Gods truth. Then the lord laid intercession on my lips. Ive had so many distractions that I haven’t entered into his presence this entire week. Ive praised and worshipped, but I haven’t entered in.
Don’t allow the enemy to steal, kill, and destroy. He can only do what you give him authority to do. Break down the strongholds, and close the doors. Repentance is not a suggestion, it’s absolutely necessary. We must do our first works over, and allow God to shine a light on us. Its so uncomfortable, but its to free you! God shined a light on my unbelief, and I repented. Then I danced, sang, and and prayed his heart prayers. I’ve been selfish, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I was so focused on my needs, that I couldn’t see past my circumstance. Whatever you’re going through right now, seek him. Seek his face. Seek his will for your life. Then obey his will. There’s so much freedom in seeking the lords face, and doing his will. Ive lived in nice places, had nice vehicles, had expensive clothes, was fit and pretty. Ive experienced that life, and I was still so empty. Jesus is so real, and he is the only thing that can fill that void.
There’s a few people right now that are in the birthing stage. The lord is saying, “don’t let a moment of despair cause you to abort what you have labored for.” We cannot allow the pain to take our eyes off the prize. From a woman who’s epidural didn’t take, that moment before your child comes is complete agony. It feels like you’re breaking ribs and the pain has shifted to the most excruciating part. The lord is saying, “don’t quit the race in the last lap.” Find the last ounce of strength to overcome and complete what the lord is doing through you!.
Praise him to your victory, when you want to surrender. Sing when you want to cry! Dance when you want to nap! Ask for his will, seek his face, and knock. The door is already open. He places those desires on us for a reason. Don’t look to man to fix a circumstance, but trust what God Is doing right now. You cant give up!! There’s too much at stake! The enemy tried to steal my confidence, but I took back what was rightfully mine in Jesus name!!