God lead us to buy our home. There were many other houses we tried to buy, but God kept telling us to buy the one we are in. I really struggled with accepting this house. It wasn’t what I wanted. I could see potential, but it was old and outdated. We looked at this one house that had painted white brick. The garage was already converted into a den style room with a fireplace. It was a small home, but it was renovated so beautifully. From the updated cabinets and granite counter, to the hardwoods throughout. It was everything I wanted. But God would tug at my heart. I didn’t know where my house was, but I knew that wasn’t it.
Sometimes it takes something extreme for God to get us to listen. Ill explain that one another time. But I finally accepted the house he had for us. It was full of problems. The price was the same as the beautifully renovated one. The walls were green paneling. All baseboard and trim were a brown color. Everything was outdated and pretty original with the building of the home circa de 1970s. This house has been WORK. We bought a pretty grey with a purple/blue undertones and began to paint everything. Many nights I spent up until the middle of the night trying to make this house something I could be proud of.
We finally covered the green with this blue paint. We covered the eggshell cabinets with pristine white paint, and the bottoms with a battleship grey. I laid on my stomach and painted the ugly brown trim with white paint. We covered the orange door with white paint. It finally began looking like the very thing I wanted. Sometimes we can paint over things and expect it to make us happy. What actually happens is you still have the same problems underneath.
I didn’t sand the doors, so I had to repaint them all. Paint would fall off in large patches. I had to practically redo every cosmetic thing we did on the house. The beautiful thing was God had a word for every single project I did. I will say though, as soon as I would start to do a new project a repair would come up. Many of these repairs tested my faith, and proved how faithful God is. I would be lying if I said it was all joy. It was hard. The hot water heater went out, twice. The ac/heat unit broke. We were able to get a used one, and it broke too. Our shower was leaking and caused mold to form in the pantry, so we had to tear the walls out, and replace every wall in the pantry. These repairs were exhausting, but God always continued to make a way.
I drive past this beautiful house I wanted literally every single time I go into town. Its on my way to everywhere I need to go. I would find myself getting discouraged with what I had. I would look at that beautiful pristine White House, and get bitter with God. “Why would you give me all this work? Why does everything I touch fall apart? Why did I have to buy the house that cost the same price as the fully renovated home?” Why me? Why this? Why that? Aren’t we all guilty of that at some point?
It is easy to have the “woe as me attitude.” Some people are given everything money could buy. Some people are given absolutely nothing but poverty and problems. We can act like one is better, but both lifestyles can come with the same problems. Really hear me out, Rich kids typically get involved with drugs, just as poorer kids usually sell them to up their commodities in life. Rich kids can be made fun of for not having the newest and nicest things, just as poor kids for not having the newest shoes/hand me downs. It’s a different world, but the same overall problems. We think “the grass is greener on the other side.” But the problems are always about the same. We always think money will solve our issues, but there’s a saying that resonates with me; “more money, more problems”. Its true, I’ve lived it many years ago.
I started paying attention to this house, and the pristine white with the pretty blue door is fading terribly. The white is wearing off, and this sandy brown brick is beginning to shine through. It almost looks dirty. The vibrant door is now this muted blue. It reminds me of a beautiful sweater that’s been washed too many times. I’m not trying to shame this place, but the renovation wasn’t done as well as I perceived it was. God started showing me, “things aren’t always as they appear. Our perception isn’t always reality. Also comparison is the absolute thief of joy.”
It took months, but I came to terms and began praising where God has me, vs looking at what I don’t have. I began speaking life over my home. I began seeing the beauty in the place the lord lead us. I am in a very safe location. I have three times the yard size as the home I wanted. My neighbors are very kind.. We have a full basement to store things. I am learning patience (with gritted teeth), and how to do things correctly when renovating a home. Ive been ministered to in every single project.
The lord has strengthened my faith and restored my trust in him. Sometimes things were extremely inconvenient, but it brought me to a place to realize what we deem “essential” truly isn’t. Our hot water is a privilege. Our sinks that turn on, and water just comes to is a privilege. Many countries don’t have that. They have to go to bodies of water and collect it, then walk back home. It isn’t sanitized, and many get sick. Some very dear friends are putting digging wells in remote villages, so people can just have water, and I was complaining about a cold shower. I learned what it was like to wash dishes by hand for a year, so I could truly appreciate a dishwasher. I learned what it was like to have a warm house in the summer, and a cold house in the winter. I watched people throw temper tantrums over things that are absolutely unnecessary, (like the color of an electronic they wanted). Ive even watched people who absolutely must have to have a brand new car every single year. I’m not condemning, or shaming you for that. I’m just showing a lot of times our priorities aren’t in line. We live such beautifully easy lives compared to so many, and we don’t appreciate it. Sometimes if you never have a struggle, you’ll never get to see a blessing. You don’t see food multiplication take place when you have a full pantry. You don’t see people obey the lord and help pay the Bill you’ve wept to the lord to pay, when you have it. Trails strengthen your faith. As James 1:2 says, “count it all as joy when you have trials.” Without the trial, you wouldn’t experience the blessing or the miracle.
I know there will be a purpose for why all this happened. Maybe during our visits to many nations, I wont be so pompous, but I will have compassion. God had to break me of pride( I was full of it). He humbled me (and still is) , but not in a rude way that hurt me. He made me realize how truly blessed I have been. He is so good, and he cares for all of our needs. He also places us in specific places and around specific people for a purpose. Some help grow us spiritually. Some teach us patience. Some will teach us “what not to do”. Nevertheless, God has a purpose for everything. Sometimes while we are going through it, it will not make any sense. I have to remind myself daily, “Gods ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts”. He loves us. He will never leave us. He will never forsake us. Even when we cant see the road, it doesn’t mean he isn’t guiding the car. His love is so unfathomable. We cannot begin to comprehend God.
Don’t look at your situation as, “why me.” But try to find the silver lining. Ask God, “what are you trying to teach me?. What are you trying to show me? What are you trying to rid me of?” Seek him, and you’ll find him. You’ll understand the purpose for the suffering, or disappointment. You’ll realize you’re in good company if you’re suffering. Jesus suffered immensely for you. On the cross he took on your sin, so He could take away all your pain. He took away all your oppressions and bondages. He took away your past rejection, and hurt. He took your pride, and he carried it all on his body as a sacrifice. Why? Because his love is so much greater than we could ever comprehend. He loved you before the heavens and the earth were even created. He was the word, who became flesh, who became the sacrifice for your sins. Why would you want to continue to roll in the mud when the father is standing home with his hands reached out for your return. You were never intended to struggle without him. You were also never intended to bundle it on your own back and carry it with your own strength. You cant. You’ll become overwhelmed, tired, depressed, and stressed. That isn’t Gods will.
Cast your cares on him, because he cares for you. He paid the debt already!. Shake those shackles off, and be healed in Jesus name. Find the beauty in the tears. Find the joy in the climb, not just the destination. I know the moment I finish all these repairs, it will be time to sell it all. Jesus is the treasure in the field, and ill gladly give it all for him. There was a day where I was covetous, but he exposed me. He didn’t stop there, he healed me. Ask the Holy Spirit to expose you. Ask him to expose what you are battling that you’ve justified. Don’t look to the masses for how to act or how to live, look to God. He loves you so much. Accept his goodness, welcome it. See the blessings in the mundane, or what you deem “not enough” in Jesus name. Find that silver lining in every situation and shine brightly for your king. Instead of murmuring, open your mouth for your God and let your praise be a weapon. Find beauty in the process and from the ashes the enemy once gleamed over. For you are a daughter of the King.. God sees you for what you will be, not where you are. Rest assured we are all a work in progress, just like my home. Don’t look at what you don’t have, look to God for what you need to change.
Friend I soeak life over your turmoil. I speak life over the trials in your life. I pray a blessing over you. If you don’t know the lord, Romans 10:13 says “whosoever shall call on the lord shall be saved.” Call on him. Lay all that heaviness down.
If you are a daughter of God, act like it. Straighten your crown. Let your words flow as honey from your mouth. You are not an afterthought, or a mistake. God knew you before your mother was ever formed in your grandmothers womb. God knows your hearts desires, and your purposes. Sometimes it takes that storm to blow, to expose the things He is trying to heal in you. Repentance seems like a scary word, but that’s where the victory comes. Holiness isn’t long skirts and pinned up hair, with a smirk on your face. It’s a heart change. We are holy because Jesus is holy. We are righteous because Jesus is. Daughter if there is any sin in your heart, allow the blood of Jesus to cover it. He didn’t die for a weekly amen, he died for your heart. Ask him to take the covetousness from you in Jesus name. Perception isn’t always reality as I said. Sometimes we don’t know the trials they endured to have something you don’t. We also don’t know the struggle that goes on inside the home. Thank God today for what you have, but also find gratefulness in the mundane.