Why Didn’t You Let Go?

My oldest daughter had an incredibly traumatic experience when she was 2. Some people may laugh at this, but its been something she has continued to discuss for over 6 years now. It was the first time she realized that, “not everyone is your friend” and “not everyone has the same heart as you.” This sweet little child of mine is a fireplug. My husband was military at the time. We lived in this military housing complex in California. All the neighborhood kids would gather in the cul de sac and ride their bikes, and just play with each other. 

This little boy came down the hill form the other side. As he approached the area, my daughter grabbed the back of his little red plastic bodied corvette. She giggled, and smiled at him. He turned around, glared, and laughed, as he drugged her past 5 houses. I had just given birth to my second daughter, and she was in a sling wrapped around me. I saw the entirety of it. I was yelling, “let go” as I was running and trying to catch her. She was in such shock, that she held on. I caught up to this little car and yanked her shirt to get her to break her grip. I observed her bloody knees, and raced her up to the house to bandage her up. I’m not one for dramatic effect, but her knees were absolutely covered in blood so badly. It was dripping down her leg, and onto her little feet. The asphalt was hot, and that little car was pretty quick. Even 5mph can hurt when you’re dragging your flesh on pavement. She was crying. I was upset. The boy and his older sister giggled up as they went back up opposite side of our housing. 

As I bandaged her up and tried to teach her a life lesson on “when to let go”, she taught me one. I was saying, “sometimes we just have to know when to let go.” She blankly stared off and said, “mama he didn’t even care. He hurt me on purpose. He laughed while he hurt me.” Every mama bear knows when their baby is messed with how badly you want to hurt whoever did it, but this was different. That day I had to explain, “not everyone has the same heart as you.” 

This story is something she doesn’t forget. We’ve used it to pray for that little boy. We’ve prayed that Jesus would touch his heart. We’ve forgiven him for hurting us, and never apologizing. We have compared many times of pain to this situation. We’ve had life lessons about this little boy. I didnt ever think it would be so beneficial for God to bring it up to deal with someone who hurt me. 

I trusted someone so deeply. I spilled every ounce of beans I had with this friend. They were more than a friend, but family. God warned me, my husband warned me, people with my best interest warned me. I didn’t want any part of their opinions. I loved their personality. It was borderline contagious. I was a “baby Christian” in my walk. I knew the voice of the lord, and I prayed, but I wasn’t super intimate with him at this point of my walk. I would have many dreams, and visions at the time. I heard from him, and knew his voice. I shared every single dream. I shared every single revelation I had with this person. I wanted their affirmations and their approval. I was never told that I was wrong, but I was praised for everything that came from my mouth. I loved the feeling of acceptance, and it clouded my judgement, and tickled my ears. 

When I knew God would give me a check in my spirit on something, but they said it was normal,  I ate it up out of the palm of their hand. I started reading my bible less, and talking with this person more. I found myself empty. Our conversations of God turned to conversations about people we knew. Our conversations were birthed from divisiveness, and rooted in bitterness. I didn’t share the same disdain about an individual, until they shined light on it. Then I would watch, and talk about them. This person I allowed in my life was putting oil in my water. I was becoming ill because all I ingested was the constant bitterness, and that oil filled the top of my glass. It began running right through me, hurting my insides, and exploding out of me. None of the living water could get through to me, because my well was tainted. I listened and boasted about MY giftings,  and MY calling. I even shut down intercession because it was messy, and I didnt want to deal with it. I wanted the happy, “look at me I’m spiritual”, but inside knowing God was very displeased with me. I was disobedient. I felt depressed, and I was choking on bitterness. My husband warned me over and over again, but i didn’t heed to his words. It wasn’t about Jesus anymore, but about me. That’s the funny thing. The more we fill our cups up with ourselves, the less fulfilled we actually feel overall. 

Every bit of our relationship was all stemmed in division, pride, and control. The friend ended up greatly wounding me, and at the time I cried the entire way home. I praised God when I realized he had placed the divide there between us so he could show me the truth. Sometimes it hurts when God weeds people out of your life, but he’s doing what is best for you. I repented and asked for forgiveness from the person I spoke ill of. I asked God to root out all of the lies spoken that I believed. I asked God to heal me inside, and he did. He restored me, the gifting and calling he gave me never went away, but i realized it was him and not about me. I realized what’s a calling If it isn’t being done for the lord? What if I stand on the corner shouting like a clanging cymbal, but I have zero authority? What good is it if i am so prideful that i spew “self help” and lead people to hell? 

As I found myself asking my daughter, “why didn’t you let go?” I have to ponder and ask, “why didn’t I just let go?” Why didnt I listen to the words of people who cared deeply about me? Why did I spend a year of my life listening to someone who bore zero fruit in their own lives. Its the same reason she held on, because not everyone has the same heart as you. You expect people to treat you like you treat them, and unfortunately I’ve learned, it doesn’t work that way. Its a good idea in thought, but not very practical. You should treat other like Jesus would treat them, but dont expect it in return. Sometimes you’re in shock that people of the world, act like they live in the world. What a shocking concept!  

When a bad apple sits next to a good juicy one, it taints it. It may look the same from the front, but the part that touches, begins to rot the other apple. That’s what happens when we stay around people who aren’t supposed to speak into our lives, but we give them the microphone, and the reins and wonder why we’re crashing into walls.. Really pray about the people who speak into your life. God will show you people, and give you discernment. It doesn’t make someone bad, but I’ve learned people aren’t always as they appear. Listen to that still small nudge of the Holy Spirit, and trust God despite how you feel emotionally. The heart will always deceive you. ( Jeremiah 17:9) Many people have been led astray because they would rather have approval of man, then approval of God. (Acts 5:29)

The biggest advice I give people when they ask is, “never take advice from someone who doesn’t bear fruit.” If their life is in shambles, they aren’t seeing salvations, everything stems from fear, they have zero love, or they’re not exhibiting the fruits of the spirit, RUN! I learned itching ears will absolutely lead you astray. Paul even says that will happen in the last days. (2 Timothy 4:3) 

It is so hard to live according to Gods word, but he gives us grace. He shows us mercy even when we don’t deserve it. Nothing we do works based will ever make him love us less or more. Its such a hard concept to understand because we see the world, and everything we’ve ever known just doesn’t make sense with the love of the father. He just comes in our hearts, and he loves us so deeply. We are so conditioned for pain, we almost ask, “when is this going to go away?” But it doesn’t. He just keeps showing you his heart and his love, and once you get a true taste of the fathers love, you don’t want to ever go back. His love isn’t based on emotion, but off truth. His love is so vast. Really think about it, we deserved hell. Then He sent His Son to save us. What love is this? The world will drag you down the road while your knees bleed, and you scream in agony, just to smirk and laugh. Jesus came to show the heart of the father. Jesus came to save me when my heart was hardened, and my lips were cold. Not everyone is your friend, but God will never leave you, or forsake you. (Deuteronomy 3:16) Even when we chase down a path that gets ourselves injured, hes still standing there with his arms open wide, welcoming us back to sit at his table. He’s a good loving father. 

Is there someone in your life that God has warned you about? Is there someone you find yourself gossiping with? Is there someone who mocks you for your belief, and you argue with them? Truly ask the Holy Spirit to touch your heart and show you exactly what to do in that situation. Some people are stumbling blocks, and we simply cannot get away from them. Whether its family, or a job; but pray for that person daily. Pray the lord will touch them, and give you the wisdom and the strength to respond with his love, and his authority. I speak from experience, they will absolutely grate a new nerve, but keep pressing into the lord and remain quiet when you want to explode. 

Ask God if you have bitterness, unforgiveness, resentment, or internal wounds. Ask God to reveal if you need to repent, or apologize to who you hurt. He will show you what to do. Sometimes we blame others for our problems, when in reality most of the time its how we view the situation. Ill say this statement all the days of my life, “our perception is NOT always reality.” Please read that sentence again.  Sometimes it takes us removing our emotions and listening to the Holy Spirit clearly, so we can heal properly, and unbiasedly at that. Regarding the person who severely hurt me emotionally, I Asked the lord, “how do I love that person? How am I supposed to forgive when I’ve been hurt?” The lord gave me the most simple, yet profound answer, he said, “ love the unlovable, as I have loved the unlovable.”

 Love casts out fear. Love heals the broken.  Love leads people to the lord. Love restores marriages. Love brings peace. Faith, hope, and love abide. But the greatest of these is love. I ask you today to love the unlovable, as God loved you so much that he sent his only son to pay your debt for your sins. Love when you want to gossip. Love when you want to cry. Give it to God, and walk away. We can make a mess of ourselves with bloody busted knees, but praise to God that the Healer is right there to clean the wound. Only love can do that, only Love would do that. God is love, and there isn’t anything he cannot restore.

 Friend I ask today, are you willing to lay it down? Are you willing to forgive as God has forgiven you? The scripture says, “ if you forgive men for their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you. If you dont forgive men, neither will your father forgive you. Its weighty, but its truthful. Love is hard to show when you are hurt, but it shines when you lay down everything that made you angry. Give it to the father, and love your neighbor. 

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