I’m reading through my Bible this morning and I felt the lord stir my heart to Ephesians 4..As I read, I came across verse 14 and I felt a stirring. “That we henceforth be no more children tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine.”
I understand what it’s saying. Many will bring into their home many different idols and set them up obliviously because they don’t see the truth, and yes that’s right. They’ll serve false Gods without even realizing it. I’ve seen it, I’ve done it. But this morning I looked to the right and there was something I had written in my Bible (yes I write all in it, not very neatly I might add) but I had written “divorced parents and I lived out of a bag”.
This isn’t at my parents, I love them both dearly. Oftentimes we do what we think is best, but without the leading of God, it’s just what you think is best. But I want to bring out something specific. I’m not one to talk about it much, but it needs to be said.
I lived in chaos and disfunction. Every single week, if not every other I raced down to the beach for business trips. Sometimes I would get in at 2-3am and have to be up at 5:30 to help get myself and my sister ready for school. Many times I never unpacked. I kept a bag ready at all times because I could have a 15 min heads up before I was raced into a five hour travel to the beach. I did homework in a vehicle back and forth, and helped my sister finish weekend projects in the car. It was exhausting, but I didn’t know anything else. That was life. Was it fun, yes. Was it functional, absolutely not. Then I would pack up and head to my moms for a few days in between.
My life was out of a bag, literally. I was here, I was there, I was gone. A different direction to fourteen drum patterns. I barely got by in school, my nerves were shot, and I felt overwhelmed. I was thankful for my ADHD because that’s how I kept track of it all. My mind operated out of such a place of chaos, that disfunction felt normal. Then I got saved.
Then I moved 2,000 miles away from every friend, and had zero family near me, but my husband and my daughter. I was literally out of the bag, cleaned up, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. Every single day I would stay home and have absolute meltdowns. I felt like a caged bird. When you’re used to “go go go” and then you’re in a home that’s normal and mundane, it’ll shock you. My body physically and mentally went into shock. I suffered from postpartum depression, but I believe this had so much to do with it. I had never had that stability, and it felt foreign and strange.
Our disfunction is comforting sometimes. I would argue with my husband and look at him like the one who held me back, but in reality he was my anchor. He kept me safe from the raging seas. God used my husband a lot to pour into my life, even when he wasn’t living for him. Drew was patient with me, he would bring out that I’m not stuck, but I’m finally grounded (not in like a punishing your kid way) but I finally had a firm foundation.
The purpose of this is so many function in a place of disfunction. I functioned in a place of ADHD for all of my life. I can’t recall a time where my mind had not raced so heavily that I couldn’t complete a sentence, much less comprehend one. Then my mind was healed. My disfunction was restored to what it should have been, peace. I now can complete a sentence. I can read an entire book/article and bring out key points. I have no desire to speed read, but to take my time and align it all up properly. No late bills because I can’t remember. No starting 40 separate tasks to always have a dirty house. No more telling 4,000 stories inbetween one story.
My mind is healed. When you operate out of disfunction, you never see the fullness of what God can do. It’s painful. Acknowledging that you need help is hard. But sometimes our own disfunction is more noticeable to those around us, then ourselves. Get healed. Let go of the bitterness, offense, and unforgivensss. Then allow God to take those things away from you.
I was tormented by a spirit of confusion and chaos for far longer than I would like to admit. Oftentimes we get healed, then we literally don’t know how to act. We suddenly don’t know who we are anymore. My body was healed of ADHD, but my mind still wanted to function in the same patterns of it, because it’s what you’re used to. It takes breaking those thought patterns and renewing your mind. “Be ye renewed by the transforming of your mind” (Romans 12:2)
The good news is you don’t have to claim your disfunction. You don’t have to stay where you’ve been. Poverty isn’t your portion, disability isn’t your token, mental illness isn’t your crutch. There is healing in the name of Jesus. There is life, and life abundantly. Gods will isn’t for you to be destitute and broken from your past, but he came to give you salvation, but also freedom, restoration, and healing.
Sometimes a deliverance is needed, but sometimes you just need a new mindset. You’re not tossed to an fro, you’re in the hands of a loving father who has so much for you. You’re his child. Let go of your ailment and disfunction, lay it down. Let him heal you. It’s painful at times, but only God can restore what the enemy meant to destroy you with.
Father I ask in the name of Jesus you would restore minds. I ask that you would heal rejection in every single person reading. I ask you would pour out your love and show them who you are! I ask for you to show them who you are, people dont need another message, they need an encounter. Jesus fill them up right now with your precious Holy Spirit and renew them by showing them how to read your word. Let the pages in the Bible come alive. Let the Word reveal the word of God. I speak an emotional healing over any trauma from divorced parents, or absent parents in the name of Jesus.
If you have bitterness or unforgiveness towards them, friend give that to God. That’s sets you free, and he who the son sets free is free indeed.